Okay this is a vent. A BIG one. So back off if your sick and tired of Kayla's crap.
I'm a big fat fatty. AND I LOVE ME. There. I said it. I have weighed 250 pounds before. I STILL weigh over 200 pounds. But I'm okay with it. I know what I look like. I can look great. I can look horrible. I can be sexy (just ask my husband. He think I'm freakin Scarlett Johanson). So get off me society. Get off me skinny jeans, get off me fat neck and jiggly thighs, get off me "bat" arms, and don't even get me started on back fat. I know. I have them all (Not the skinny jeans thing, I just hate them, I always feel like a frog).
I'm great. I have a Father in Heaven that loves me. I have a father in Las Vegas that adores me. I have a mom that thinks I'm "cool" yeah, what up? I can laugh and I can make others laugh. I can love little children. I can look at nature and feel peace. I can go away for a weekend with my husband and come back and love him MORE than when we left. I can clean my house. I can make a baby (I haven't proven that one yet). But I can do the stuff that makes babies! And have fun! I can reach out and help someone that is down. I can read scriptures and say prayers and give service and feel Heavenly Fathers happiness in me. I learn and grow. I can walk for goodness sakes! How incredible is that?! If for that reason only, I know I have a perfect body!
I've recently started running and it's amazed me at what my body can do! How truly strong it is. But I don't think i'm doing it for the right reasons. I did it so that I could become better than other people. Stronger. Faster. Thinner. And that mentality is killing me. So I'm changing that too. I'm doing this for me. To love my body because it can get up and do wonderful things. To keep my body for a long time. To feel good inside and out. I'm not better than anyone. I'm not prettier because I can run. I'm prettier because I can love.
So to all you runners out there hoorah! And all you runners who aren't running today hoorah too!! We're all children of God.
So I have cellulite and stretch marks and I jiggle from time to time (or all the time [I don't keep count people]).
I have a problem: I compare myself to others. And I didn't know how bad it was. And then I got married. And I had to lean on my husband to MAKE me feel pretty. And that isn't fair. Not to him. And in the end it isn't enough. It never will be. No matter how many people call me beautiful. I have to love me for me. Or else I won't be good enough. Not to me at least. I will never be good enough until I tell myself I am. So I am. Right here. In front of....the internet....
I'm good enough. I am divine. For so many reasons. Hundreds. Thousands. Way more than my faults. And I hope everyone sees that.
This is what brought it on. Real sick and tired of you society. Real tired.
