Happy Post

Good times to be had by all!

Actually not so much. If these past two years have taught me anything it's this: Life often sucks. Hard. So with that in mind I would also like to state this: It also rocks. Hard.

And it's how we keep these two from getting too out of hand that I want to speak on tonight.

Suckiness goes first:
I have seriously dated ONE man. One. I'm twenty years old.
The total number of dates I have been on in MY LIFE I can count on TWO hands. Only two (and for you slow folks out there it's less then ten [or maybe about ten, I wasn't thinking it was going to become this big of an issue so I never kept track. but it isn't a whole lot])
I had ONE best friend in high school, like straight soul mate status, and she left directly after high school and I had ZERO friends for almost two years (That would be how my sister and I became so close)
I hated school and decided college was not for me (I no longer stand by that idea for anyone looking for some solid life lessons)
I found an amazing job and work for amazing people but strongly dislike law (I also SUCK at it) and let me tell you when work is the only thing you have going in your life when you aren't good at it you might as well go and kill yourself. Cause you feel about that good.

Now you might be saying "Goll Kayla, your life isn't that bad." And you would be right. I had a job, period, I lived with my family and no bills, period. But I felt that I was hating myself and my life more often than not and that quickly can lead to allot of things ie. drugs, alcohol, depression, suicide, theatre. And I didn't want any of those things so I did something else and here it comes:

The FIX ALL:
Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ.
So easy, doesn't even take up a whole line.

Now this fix it isn't easy (hardly) but it is the only one that works. I found very quickly that even though I had people in my life that love me, you know who you are, they had lives and problems of their own and couldn't sit and baby me while I was having a hard time, it's all good, you're forgiven. But there was someone there that could and would and still will: Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. And sometimes they were the only ones that wanted to hear about how I saw a guy who was so cute and we could so have cute babies and how I wanted to be married and how I was made for so many good things and why was I fat and why didn't men like me and did people lie when they said I was funny cause no guy seems to like me?

And I cried alot. A LOT. But I made it through, and it turned out to be a huge growing experience and I'm...stronger...oddly enough. I look at women now and yes I understand their desire to have a man but I can also say "Learn. Take this time to see more deeply what you want, and to appreciate a man for what he truly will be and to see what you will be. And just grow."

OH and my other tip: Laugh. Often, and hard. Sometimes that was the only thing that kept me from getting all emotional and crazy cutter lady on people. It works.

And in case my words have given you nothing to think about/suck I leave you with this amazing quote:
"The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears, or the sea."
--Isak Dinesen
 
And I completely stand by that. Have a happy week all.

The Lady I want to be

That right there is the lady I want to be. The lady I want to be so bad I can taste it. See that smile? That smile I want, I want the way her eyes shine, I want the kindness in her face, I want dainty hands, I want to be able to wear green pants and not look like a freaking weirdo.

Sometimes I feel like this lady.
And sometimes I feel the opposite of this.

And  yes, I believe in being yourself, completely. But sometimes you see someone shine and you want to capture that twinkle, just a little. And this lady blazes like the sun. Something about her blows me away. Maybe it's that she is artistic, I'm not. Or maybe simply that she is breathtaking, putting my hand down there. Or maybe that she sees beauty in everything, that she has the simplest, but most romantic and beautiful, dream of living in a bright house with fresh flowers and a man that will dance with her right there in the living room. Or maybe it's that she is so beautiful, and so breathtaking and yet in the corner she has a little glimpse into her mortality, a little dissaray, a little humanity, a simple mess. But that only makes me like her more.

Refresh, remember, remind

I almost feel the need to apologize for the last post, but I won't. A. Because I think it's nitty and gritty and real (like the picture to the left) and B. Because I write very well when I'm sad, and that post is very well.

BUT I no longer feel like that. I can't fault the post because everything I said was and is true, but at this moment I feel like nothing has taken that emptiness' place, nothing but possibility.

I have always felt like the Sunflower is the flower of possibility. It is a thought that has only formed recently, my love for Sunflowers, however, has always existed. Maybe it's that they have sun in their name, something we will never be able to stare at or touch, or maybe it's that they will grow anywhere (Las Vegas included, can you say freaking impossible?) or maybe it's the child in me that stared at the looming sunflower as a small sun in the sky, or maybe it's that they get big and tall (like me) so I naturally flock to them. They are the giants in the flower world, a species of their own, but so beautiful you know they hold their own against the most extravagant of roses.

So today is a Sunflower day. Today is a day to look at tomorrow, today is a day to live, to laugh, to love, to refresh, to remind and to remember. Today is a day for love.

“No one ever finds life worth living - one has to make it worth living” Winston Churchill.

“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” Mary Anne Radmacher

"Time goes by so fast, people go in and out of your life. You must never miss the opportunity to tell these people how much they mean to you.”-I don't know.

“When one realizes that his life is worthless he either commits suicide or travels.” – Edward Dahlberg.

“I am not the same having seen the moon shine on the other side of the world.” – Mary Anne Radmacher Hershey

“The traveler sees what he sees, the tourist sees what he has come to see.” – G. K. Chesterton 

 And last but not least, because I had this experience the other night:

“It is solved by walking.” – Algerian proverb

Go travel, whether it's around the block, around the city, around the state or around the world, travel. Live, breathe, walk, see, feel, imagine, hope and then make it.

It's here

It's here. It's beginning. It's legitimate. It's great. It's scary. It's....amazing. I don't think there is anything I can't say as of today, including: I've never been so scared of a little white envelope before in my life.

I, Kayla Obriann Hanshew, have been called to the Oklahoma, Tulsa Mission, English speaking. I report to the MTC on July 6th, 2011 (five days after my birthday) and all I can say is; YES.

Hello mission area (Yes, it does cover FOUR states)

And yes it will be my home for eighteen months. I will be seeing lots of-

And even some

And I don't think I have ever been so excited for anything in my entire life! And I want to write why I think so but not in this post.

What?!

I'm crazy. I've simply decided that.



Reason being: I want things. Things that, if I got, I would have no idea what I would do with them.



That picture in the last post. I want it. Bad.



WHAT THE HECK WOULD I DO IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE?!?!?



I love the city. I hate the city as well. But I'm by no means a freaking cowgirl. I LOVE the internet. I love people....and Del Taco. WHAT WOULD I DO WITH ALL THAT OPEN ROAD?!?!?



Nothing! I would stare at it....and then be like "Where's Del Taco?"

Saddest part? I still want that freaking open road. I want it for so many reasons. I want it as a symbol, not as actually being in the middle of nowhere (though I do still want that [just with a Del Taco]).

Crazy much? Well yes. Thanks for noticing.

Today

This is how I feel today.

Disneyland

I was gifted the opportunity to go to Disneyland this week. I took it.

I love Disneyland. Who doesn't. And I don't get to go often (This would technically be my third time, but the first time I went I was like...two...so I don't count it) so I was extremely excited. Even more exciting was who I was going with, fun people. Funy boys and a girl, that I have known for years (and some I haven't ever known) and good times were to be had. And I was right.

We left late Monday night, very late, eight. Which wouldn't have been a very big deal EXCEPT I hadn't slept very well the night before because I was giddy as a school girl that I was getting to go to Disneyland. But Gary (my new friend) drove and I hung in the back and insulted his car, and then his music, and watched the lights of Vegas fade and the open road call to us. And we traveled and traveled. And then ate at In n out in Barstow. And then finally we were at the hotel.

Now the deal with the hotel was...well alot of things, we shared a room. SHARED. Four boys and two girls. It was hilarious. But not at first. I was nervous at first. Not because I thought anything would happen...well obviously I was nervous SOMETHING would happen but not anything bad. I just had never had to share a room with so many boys that weren't family before. (I'm going to blog about these boys on another post, this one is simply about Disneyland, but stay tuned, I have been completely wrong about men before)

We finally got to bed (at two) and were back up about six. We had breakfast and finally got to Disneyland about ten thirty (it takes a LONG time to get six people ready and fed when sharing a room). And I got on Pirates of the Caribbean. Can I just say what a great way to start Disneyland? It was simply magical from there. But my favorite part of the day? Well I have so many but I will list only.....four.....

4. Lochlyn Monroe-Have you ever seen night at the Roxbury? Well it's the best friend Craig. Yeah, that guy. We met him. Yep. He was in line at Toy Story. Celebrity spotting, holla.

3. Toy Story-That game is simply fantastical. I wish we could have done it more than once (hour long wait. FULL HOUR)

2. Spending all day with four hilarious guys-Just plain fun (see "Boys" post as to how they renewed my faith in huMANity)

1. Fanstasmic-I ALMOST MISSED IT. I went to World of Color, everyone else went to fantasmic, but by some almighty power that be I made it back and they saved me a seat and my mind was blown. Seriously. I even recorded some of it. It was the greatest thing ever.

Best part of day two? Easy.

Riding Big Bear Rapids ten times in a row at eight o clock at night to see who would get hit worst with the water....then freezing for the rest of the night. Totally worth it.

Did I have fun? Um Yeah. Would I do it again in a heart beat? Um heck yeah. Just another item checked off my mission bucket list. So amazingly fun. I miss it already. I would even share that freaking tiny room again.