This is it, my last day at home. Tomorrow I hit the road. The popping of fireworks still disrupts the air like a celebration of my farewell and I love it.
I've been set apart. And it was magical. A peace has settled deep in my soul.
I'm happy. Happy and excited and ready and....peaceful.
I have had things promised to me that seem....magical. I have things that I now want, want with my heart and soul, want almost as much as I want to teach Indians. I'm obviously still greedy.
So, this is my goodbye.
It's been fun. It's been crazy. It's been unexpected. And man am I glad it's finally here.
I love you my blogger readers.
I just have to take a moment and say: Laura, you are amazing. Very amazing. Super amazing. Your comments make me laugh and giggle and shy and happy all at the same time. I can't wait to come back and amuse you some more. And thank you for coming to my farewell, that was magical as well. Seeing your smiling face, so unexpected, my heart burst with joy that I probably didn't convey very well given how crazy anxious I was about talking. I thank you for that parting gift, it was one of my favorites.
I hope everyones heart is full this Fourth of July. I hope you stay safe and appreciate all that is around you while those beautiful explosions fill the air.
If you would like to write me, or want me to write you, my MTC address is as follows:
Sister Kayla Obriann Hanshew
MTC Mailbox # 193
OK-TUL 0727
2005 N 900 E
Provo, UT 84604-1793
Yeah I know, it's long, but worth it. Have a wonderful life for the next eighteen months, and know, you will be missed! BYE! :) I'm off to do great things.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
I wished I lived in Sky City-But instead of I'm going to Oklahoma
I've been waiting to write this amazing post, something that was creative and lyrical and beautiful, and nothing has been coming. I leave in a day and a half and I have nothing to say except this:
I'm so freaking excited I can't hardly see straight.
And the best part: I didn't feel like that a few days ago.
A few days ago I was moping, sad, heart broken, clutching at everything and everyone to make sense of a situation I had no control over. I want to vent, heck I did write a vent, a mean and nasty vent with words that would hurt. But I'm not going to post it. And that is why I haven't been able to blog. I've been too tied up in my emotions. Normally I'm very hard and fast, mad or not, mad and very quickly going to get over it, or not mad at all, never mad, don't know who said I was mad but I ain't. But not this time. This time I was....hurt.
And because my friend never talked to me, never asked me about the situation, never gave me the time to try and explain all I can do is say: I'm sorry.
That's it. That's all.
I'm sorry. What I said was...dumb. While it may have been true, I shouldn't have said it.
There it is. The five day accumulation. I went through all the motions, confused, angry, sad, distraught, more angry, super duper angry, never ever going to apologize angry, and now I'm just.....done. I admit my fault in it. I apologize.
And now to the important stuff: Me leaving!!!! Ahhhhhhh.
Crazy!! But the best part: I'm so excited. Insanely excited. All my fear is gone and I'm going to kick butt excited. I want to teach. Man do I want to teach. I want to befriend and help and hope and pray and ponder and wonder and awe. I want to feel the Savior so close to me that I wonder if I look behind me quick enough if I will see him. Standing there, a small smile on his face, pride and hope in his eyes, his hands scarred and withered, ushering me forward, telling me I'm doing okay.
I want it all.
I want to teach Native Americans. INDIANS!!! Yes. I want to teach them. Of course when I say that I picture myself reenacting the first Thanksgiving simply with less anger and a BOM under each arm.
I want to see a tornado. TORNADO. And yes, my chances are pretty good.
I want to see double lightening, yeah, that happens out there. I'm cool, I know.
I want to wear the name tag that gives me the power to share this Gospel like no other.
Call me greedy but I want it all. I want to be worthy of it all. I want to work so hard that I can't keep my head up at night. I want to pray so hard my hands hurt. I want to work so closely with my Father in Heaven that I'll know he's my Father in Heaven, that I'll feel he's my Father in Heaven, that I'll willingly sacrifice cause he's my Father in Heaven, without thought.
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I'm so freaking excited I can't hardly see straight.
And the best part: I didn't feel like that a few days ago.
A few days ago I was moping, sad, heart broken, clutching at everything and everyone to make sense of a situation I had no control over. I want to vent, heck I did write a vent, a mean and nasty vent with words that would hurt. But I'm not going to post it. And that is why I haven't been able to blog. I've been too tied up in my emotions. Normally I'm very hard and fast, mad or not, mad and very quickly going to get over it, or not mad at all, never mad, don't know who said I was mad but I ain't. But not this time. This time I was....hurt.
And because my friend never talked to me, never asked me about the situation, never gave me the time to try and explain all I can do is say: I'm sorry.
That's it. That's all.
I'm sorry. What I said was...dumb. While it may have been true, I shouldn't have said it.
There it is. The five day accumulation. I went through all the motions, confused, angry, sad, distraught, more angry, super duper angry, never ever going to apologize angry, and now I'm just.....done. I admit my fault in it. I apologize.
And now to the important stuff: Me leaving!!!! Ahhhhhhh.
Crazy!! But the best part: I'm so excited. Insanely excited. All my fear is gone and I'm going to kick butt excited. I want to teach. Man do I want to teach. I want to befriend and help and hope and pray and ponder and wonder and awe. I want to feel the Savior so close to me that I wonder if I look behind me quick enough if I will see him. Standing there, a small smile on his face, pride and hope in his eyes, his hands scarred and withered, ushering me forward, telling me I'm doing okay.
I want it all.
I want to teach Native Americans. INDIANS!!! Yes. I want to teach them. Of course when I say that I picture myself reenacting the first Thanksgiving simply with less anger and a BOM under each arm.
I want to see a tornado. TORNADO. And yes, my chances are pretty good.
I want to see double lightening, yeah, that happens out there. I'm cool, I know.
I want to wear the name tag that gives me the power to share this Gospel like no other.
Call me greedy but I want it all. I want to be worthy of it all. I want to work so hard that I can't keep my head up at night. I want to pray so hard my hands hurt. I want to work so closely with my Father in Heaven that I'll know he's my Father in Heaven, that I'll feel he's my Father in Heaven, that I'll willingly sacrifice cause he's my Father in Heaven, without thought.
I want it all. And I especially want those Indians.
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