I wished I lived in Sky City-But instead of I'm going to Oklahoma

I've been waiting to write this amazing post, something that was creative and lyrical and beautiful, and nothing has been coming. I leave in a day and a half and I have nothing to say except this:

I'm so freaking excited I can't hardly see straight.

And the best part: I didn't feel like that a few days ago.

A few days ago I was moping, sad, heart broken, clutching at everything and everyone to make sense of a situation I had no control over. I want to vent, heck I did write a vent, a mean and nasty vent with words that would hurt. But I'm not going to post it. And that is why I haven't been able to blog. I've been too tied up in my emotions. Normally I'm very hard and fast, mad or not, mad and very quickly going to get over it, or not mad at all, never mad, don't know who said I was mad but I ain't. But not this time. This time I was....hurt.

And because my friend never talked to me, never asked me about the situation, never gave me the time to try and explain all I can do is say: I'm sorry.

That's it. That's all.

I'm sorry. What I said was...dumb. While it may have been true, I shouldn't have said it.

There it is. The five day accumulation. I went through all the motions, confused, angry, sad, distraught, more angry, super duper angry, never ever going to apologize angry, and now I'm just.....done. I admit my fault in it. I apologize. 

And now to the important stuff:  Me leaving!!!! Ahhhhhhh.

Crazy!! But the best part: I'm so excited. Insanely excited. All my fear is gone and I'm going to kick butt excited. I want to teach. Man do I want to teach. I want to befriend and help and hope and pray and ponder and wonder and awe. I want to feel the Savior so close to me that I wonder if I look behind me quick enough if I will see him. Standing there, a small smile on his face, pride and hope in his eyes, his hands scarred and withered, ushering me forward, telling me I'm doing okay.

I want it all.

I want to teach Native Americans. INDIANS!!! Yes. I want to teach them. Of course when I say that I picture myself reenacting the first Thanksgiving simply with less anger and a BOM under each arm.

I want to see a tornado. TORNADO. And yes, my chances are pretty good.

I want to see double lightening, yeah, that happens out there. I'm cool, I know.

I want to wear the name tag that gives me the power to share this Gospel like no other.

Call me greedy but I want it all. I want to be worthy of it all. I want to work so hard that I can't keep my head up at night. I want to pray so hard my hands hurt. I want to work so closely with my Father in Heaven that I'll know he's my Father in Heaven, that I'll feel he's my Father in Heaven, that I'll willingly sacrifice cause he's my Father in Heaven, without thought.

I want it all. And I especially want those Indians.