Losing it

This is it. I've lost my mind. I'm freaking out.

March 1, 2011.

Todays date, you say? No big deal, you laugh.

No. It is a big deal. It's a big deal to me.

I have a meating with the Stake President in t-minus six hours and seventeen minutes and counting.

Yeah, big deal.

He is going to talk to me and decide if I am ready and or worthy to go on a mission. Yes you heard me, a mission. A bonafide mission.

Which is just as scary as it is liberating. I'm freaking out.

18 months? Without my family? Impossible.

Freaking. Out.

I finally finished the BOM (and no that isn't some funky way of saying bowl movement, it's The Book of Mormon) and that was peaceful but now...oh now I'm freaking out.

Cause everything could go well, everything could go exceptionally well, and he could look at me and say 'Yep, you're awesome, and super cool, really funny, and smart, beautiful as well. You need to go on a mission.' And a little part of me (or maybe a big part of me) will die inside cause that means: 18 months of no family.

Might as well kill me.

Actually no, that was dramatic. But it is going to be hard. Really hard. I'm kind of a home body. And I kind of like my family. Are we crazy? Yes. Weird? Extremely. Perverted, disoriented, odd, mean, violent to each other(in a loving way)? I have the bruises to prove it. Yes. Does that mean I can go 18 months without them? No. I'm putting alot of faith in the lord, and a tiny bit of faith in myself, that everything will turn out okay. That I won't get out into the field and ten minutes later turn and say "Okay experienced it. Yep, great spirit. Lord you sure are cool. Now take me home."

......and yes i did do that at girls camp my first year.....

Can I go awhile without them? Yes. A week? No sweat. A month? Most likely. 18 months? Huh.

You know what is getting me through today? Either 12:27. Cause we all know I have alot of weaknesses.....but I'm still freaking out. It's just all inside now.